So I guess I'll start with the mental health update since you guys already know I've been struggling a bit. I know I've vaguely mentioned anxiety and depression here and I've discussed my OCD in this post but I don't think I ever specified that I have Bipolar II which is where you cycle between hypomania and depression. It may make things a little clearer as to why my posts bounce around in tone and mood and my meals as well. I do discuss this more in depth in my other blog where I talk about my mental illness more in depth. Anyway, my cycles and particularly my crashes have been pretty bad lately so the depression has definitely been more prevalent lately and I'm just trying to ride the wave knowing that I'll climb out of it eventually. As far as the OCD is concerned, I've completely managed the checking behaviors I detailed in my first post but lucky for me OCD likes to reinvent itself with fun new intrusive thoughts 😩 I've always had some issues with germs but it was never that bad. Now, my hands are a mess from washing so frequently and germs are panic inducing rather than just a little stressful.
Fun, right? I don't normally like to get really in depth on this blog because I like to try and keep things focused on vegan food but I think it's important to get that information out there. It's easy to make things seem ok from behind a computer screen but the struggle is real and there is no need to separate my mental illness from my vegan lifestyle. Like I mentioned above, I do get way more in depth about my journey in treating my mental illness in therapy in my other blog so if it is something that interests you definitely check that out.
So, as far as a chronic illness update I'm currently mid flare and it's pretty awful. That is why I just haven't been able to bring myself to take pictures of my meals. I just want them done so I can climb back into bed and not move. Last night I was in pain from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. My muscles were spasming everywhere and let me assure you that chest muscle spasms are TERRIFYING. Add a migraine to the body wide muscle spasms and that was my night last night. I know I'm being whiny about it and it could be so much worse but I think when you are sitting in it mid flare it is easy to be whiny about it. At this point I'm just trying to get through to the weekend so I can rest and recharge and figure out how to regroup and still be productive.
So that's my life 😂 I know that I'm going to be ok and the symptoms will pass and the depression will pass. That's what makes it all a little easier. For now I just need to buckle up for this ride and try to keep things as "normal" as possible. Which means I should hopefully have a Trader Joe's haul for you on Tuesday.
With that said, I do have one meal to share with you:
I made a flatbread sandwich with Isa's Hummus for Bagels recipe and it was delicious. I had it with my usual sun dried tomatoes and basil and it was really great. Warming/toasting the flatbread in the oven is crucial for this sandwich and it was by far my favorite thing I ate over the past few days.
Sorry this post was a bit of a bummer but I like to share where I am physically and emotionally sometimes. Would you guys prefer me to keep the mental health stuff separate from my vegan blog or do you want me to keep posting some mental health stuff here and there? I don't really know which way to go with this so any feedback would definitely help!
All that said I want to thank you guys so much for always being so supportive in your amazing comments and for continuing to read here. I love this community and feel grateful to have you all here! 💜 Have a great weekend and I'll see you back here on Tuesday!
16 comments:
I'm so sorry that you're struggling. Mentally and physically, that's a lot to deal with.
I've been struggling with depression as well and I'm trying to constantly remin myself that it will pass. Some days it's easier to believe than others.
I appreciate your openness, it takes a lot to be that real. I like that you share your struggles here honestly.
I also definitely don't think you're being whiny. Even if you were I think it's okay given what you're dealing with!!
I hope you get to have lots of rest this weekend!
So sorry you're dealing with this right now. You are very brave to open up online because someone else may be reading this who needs to hear that other people are dealing with similar issues. Thanks for speaking up about what you're going through! And I really hope things start to look better for you very soon.
I'm sorry you have so much to struggle with right now. I really appreciate when people share posts like this. I love food, obviously, but I also want to know the person behind the food. There are a lot of us struggling with mental and physical issues, we should be able to be open about them. And definitely not whiny. <3
Flares are worth whining about no matter how much worse they could be. Part of what makes them so hard is how unpredictable they are--you're going along living your life and then suddenly everything gets messed up and who knows why? So you have every right to whine. I would like to whine about having a "cane and pain" day myself, even though I kept thinking about how good it is I can still go to work and don't have to have a wheelchair yet.
Feelings and food go together so much, it makes sense to put it here. Your meal was beautiful, and I hope it helped to have something to enjoy.
You don't have to be productive all the time. Just be you. Take care of you. I hope it gets easier soon.
I always like it when bloggers share details from their personal lives, even if it's primarily a food blog. It's what makes your blog unique and distinct from other blogs. So share as much as you want! I hope you feel better soon- sending lots of positive thoughts your way <3
I hope you start feeling better soon! I'll have to check out your other blog, but you should definitely feel free to still share stuff here, especially since mental health and chronic illness both impact the food you eat. Your flatbread sandwich looks incredible; I'm glad you were able to enjoy something so delicious in these tough times! Sending so many hugs! <3
Oh geez, it sounds like you’re certainly going through a lot lately. I’m glad you can see it’s something that ebbs and flows, although this sounds like an extra nasty rough patch.
Your sandwich here sounds delicious, i hope you’re able to enjoy some nurturing meals that help make you feel awesome
Ttrockwood
Thank you <3 I'm sorry that you are struggling as well. It's so hard to push through but it will get better. I definitely know what you mean about it being easier some days but we'll get through it.
It's not easy but I know it is important. I don't know why I always felt the need to separate my vegan content from the more in depth mental health stuff but I know I don't really need to hide it so much.
Haha sometimes it feels whiny and self indulgent but I guess you are right, sometimes we just need to vent it out!
Thank you <3
Thanks Bianca <3 Yeah, that's the main reason why I talk about this stuff... I know there are other people out there struggling with the same things so it makes it easier to open up.
Thanks Susan <3 I agree, we definitely need to be more open about them. I definitely try to be but I don't know why I've always separated the food from my struggles. I'm glad to know I don't have to worry about doing that and I can be more open here.
Yeah, you're definitely right. It's frustrating when you wake up one morning with a migraine and head to toe pain and not know when you'll finally feel relief. I'm so sorry that you've been struggling so much too. And that is what makes me feel so whiny. I know it could be so much worse and I feel guilty and self indulgent when I feel sorry for myself. I guess I just need to learn that it's ok to be self indulgent once in a while.
You are so right, food and feelings really do go together a lot. My feelings have a direct impact on my meals and I'm sure it would be quite clear if I go back through my posts. That meal was delicious and it definitely helped.
Thank you <3
Thank you so much <3 I really appreciate that and I agree, I always like to learn more about the person creating the food. I appreciate the positive thoughts! <3
Thank you Julie <3 I'm definitely going to start to share here as well. You'll see on my other blog that I do more of a deep dive but I definitely need to open up more here as well.
Thank you, the sandwich was delicious! Hugs to you as well!
It has definitely been a rough week this week but I'm glad it's over and I have more time to relax and partake in self care. It does ebb and flow but that's also part of the issue I think... it is unpredictable and catches you off guard. It's rough but I've been dealing with mental health issues for so long that I'm pretty self aware at this point... I know what is happening but I don't know how long it'll last or anything like that. It sucks but there is nothing I can do except use the tools I've learned in therapy to get through it.
Thanks! I'm hoping I can get some more great meals prepped this week so I don't have to worry about making decisions or having the energy to cook when mealtime comes around.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It can be really rough. I remember getting post-partum depression and it can be tough, but I try and be open about it, to try and take away the stigma. I have a few friends who have bi-polar depression, and it can be tough.
Have you read anything about flare-ups and doing barre workouts? You mention the shaking, and I wonder if doing some light muscle burnout would be helpful? Probably would be a good thing to google and see if anyone tried it out.
Yeah, it's not fun but it's something I've been dealing with for 20 years now (the mental health stuff at least) so it's just a part of life at this point. I agree, it is so important to talk about it so we can get rid of that stigma.
I haven't heard anything about doing barre workouts but I'll definitely have to check it out. I'm looking to get into yoga again and I'll definitely look into barre to see if that is something that may be helpful. Thanks for the tip!
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